Aishiteru
by Arctic Shatter
Summary: Iruka has a breakdown while looking through an old yearbook. He wants to change himself, thinking that no one will ever like him. ShounenAi KakaIru, Warning: Thoughts of suicide.


  
  
I do not own Naruto....though, like every other fan out there, I wish I did... though some people would agree to what would happen if I did. Muahahahahahahahaha!!!! cough cough sorry...please enjoy and be sure to R&R

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Aishiteru:Iruka sat in his room looking through his yearbook (do they give those at ninja schools?) thinking about the day. He had learned something about his best friend, but not from him. It made him upset to think that Ryu hadn't wanted to tell him about what was going on. They had been friends for so long. Always claiming each other as "best friends forever". 'But I guess forever is just only a word.' Iruka thought to himself.

Ryu had always been happy, fun to be around. When him and Iruka graduated and became Genins, they were put on the same team. As they got older they only got more distant though. Ryu changed. His looks, his personality. He felt like no one cared, even though Iruka had always been there for him. He had changed his looks drastically; cut his hair, starving himself; but when that didn't work he had started cutting himself. Every day he would come to training with a smile on, but also several new slits on his arms. He claimed it was because of his family, he was alone, 'but that's what friends are for, right?' Iruka thought.

Iruka felt tears come to his eyes. He wished he could have someone there with him. Someone to hold him and tell him it was going to be alright. He closed the book he had just sitting in his lap now and headed towards the door. He needed to talk to someone, he just didn't know who. He ended up on the couch, crying, not knowing what to do or who to tell that would understand. He had lost other friends who had told him he "wasn't good enough" or "too kind". Iruka came to the realization that maybe it was him he needed to change. Maybe more people would like him, be willing to tell him things, if he changed. Just then he heard a knock on the door. 'It's probably just another messenger here to tell me to come in to work…' He refused to open the door and went into his bathroom to try and find something, anything that would change him from his overly-kind, worrying self. He heard the knock a couple more times, but didn't answer. It finally stopped and he figured the person had just gone away, until he felt a presence in his room. He looked out of his bathroom to see who it was.

"Kakashi? Why are you here?" Iruka desperately tried to hide his blood-shot eyes from the man standing in front of him.

"I was around and decided to come see how you were. Whats wrong?" He asked Iruka, noticing his attempts to hide his face.

"Nothing. Just…nothing." Kakashi could tell he was lying to him.

"Uh-huh, sure, about as nothing as when Kyuubi attacked. Whats up?" He asked him again. "And don't tell me 'Nothing'." Kakashi lightly lifted Iruka face to see his blood-shot eyes and red, tear-stained cheeks. "Why have you been crying?"

'Don't give in Iruka. He won't understand.' He thought to himself desperately tring to hold back his feelings for the Jounin…but it was all in vein. Iruka grabbed onto Kakashi sleeves and hugged him with all he had. Kakashi looked at him, startled for a moment, but then with soft, caring eyes. He wrapped his arms around the smaller Chuunin, waiting for a response to his question.

"I can't help if I don't know whats wrong." Iruka just held him tighter, crying into his dark green vest. He eventually looked up at the taller man, "Promise me…promise me you'll never leave or….or just….or just flat out ignore me. Promise me that if anything is wrong you would tell me?" Iruka wanted Kakashi to say "Yes. I promise. I'll never leave." But he knew he would never say that.

Kakashi, hearing Iruka's words through his tears, thought for a split second then said, "I can promise I'll tell you eveything, but I can only promise I'll be here as long as the world keeps me here." Iruka didn't like those words, but he knew they were true enough so they would do. He led Kakashi over to his bed and sat down, telling him all about Ryu and what had happened and how he thought it was his fault. He had come up with only one reason: he was a failure at being a friend. Nobody wanted to talk to him about such things, he was a failure.

Kakashi just shook his head and lifted Iruka's which was now looking at the ground. "Iruka, I need you to understand this, you are –not- a failure. You are a great friend. Just some people don't know how to comprehend such kindness, so they throw it away like it was never there. Also understand this, Iruka," Much to the surprise of the Chuunin Kakashi pulled down his mask and kissed him. He was in utter bliss. He could no longer remember how long he had wanted that, nor any of his problems he had just been complaining about. Much to his dissappointment Kakshi broke the kiss and finished his sentence. "I love you. I will try my hardest to never leave you." Tears of happiness started down Iruka's face, but Kakashi wiped them away before they got very far.

Iruka smiled. "Kakashi, you know how long I've been waiting for this day? Aishiteru." Iruka cupped Kakashi's face in his hand and wrapped his arm around his neck, kissing him. After a few seconds he felt Kakashi's tongue run across his bottom lip. Iruka allowed him entrance as Kakashi pushed him back on the bed. Iruka reached up, undoing Kakashi's hitai ate and throwing it on the ground. Kakashi pulled back from their kiss and straddled Iruka's hips. Taking the holder off the Chuunin's ponytail, he leaned down and started placing kisses down his neck, taking his vest and shirt off after it. Iruka leaned his head back in pleasure then moved his hand up to stop Kakashi.

"Whats wrong?" Iruka turned his head to the side.

"I just…don't feel this is right right now…" Kakashi shrugged and laid down on Iruka.

"I'll stay here with you tonight, okay?" Kakashi whispered in Iruka's ear, playfully nipping at it. He just nodded and Kakashi laid down next to him, putting his arms around him and pulling him close.

The next morning Kakashi woke to see Iruka asleep on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around him and pulled him so close he thought he was going to squeeze the life out of him. "I'll never leave you."


End file.
